chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
