she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
