Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
