I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
