I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
