I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
