he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
