I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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