K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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