I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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