You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize