I'm jealous of your bromance
I puked a lego.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize