If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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