1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Non-Jews are for practice
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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