I want to walk on stilts...naked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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