I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
