The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize