White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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