I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Less talking, more tequila
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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