I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize