Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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