We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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