dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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