I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
