you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
