Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
