bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
