Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
