She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
