Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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