So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
