Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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