just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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