her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
