Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
