My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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