She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
