Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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