dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
