matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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