if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
