I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
