guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
