ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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