The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
