Four minutes until I can fart!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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