This is not my ceiling
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
