I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
