Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
