Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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