Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're like the curious george of whores
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
