grandma shit on top of the toilet
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize