Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
