Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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