She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
