Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
