My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
