Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
