Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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