I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize