I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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