Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
